Joke and Funny Quotes ,That will make you Laugh

What is the difference between Monkey & Donkey ? Monkey saves this message& Donkey deletes this message. Choice is urs..:P

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Santa: Look a thief has entered our kitchen and he is eating the cake I made. Banta: Whom should I call now, Police or Ambulance?

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A Sardar saw a Beautiful Girl,he Went and Kissed her. Girl: `STUPID what r u doing?` Sardar: B.Com final year.

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What? is a difference between a Kiss, a Car and a Monkey? A kiss is so dear,? A car is too dear and A monkey is U dear.

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Q: What is the difference b/w secretary & private secretary? Ans:Secretary says GOOD MORNING SIR& Private secretary says ITS MORNING SIR.

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The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up and does not stop until u get into the office...

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Question by a student! If a single teacher can`t teach us all the subjects, Then How could U expect a single student to learn all subjects?

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Air and Students have the same Mentality U know how? Both are turning the books pages without reading

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In an African Safari,A LION suddenly bounced on Santa`s wife. WIFE-Shoot him!Shoot him! SANTA-Yes Yes.I`m changing d battery of my camera.

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Girl:I Like Ur`Teeth`. Boy:Oh Really,Why! Girl:.......Becoz Yellow Is My Favorite Color.

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Birdy birdy in sky dropped a poopy in my eye, I dont worry I don''t cry, Im just happy that cows cant fly

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According to a research 87%of young people have back pain. . . . . . . . .The other 13%have no computer.

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This dog,is dog,a dog,good dog,way dog,to dog,keep dog,an dog,idiot dog,busy dog,for dog,20 dog,seconds dog!..Now read without the word dog

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World`s Smallest resignation letter! Respected sir, I luv your wife.

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A girl says to her boyfriend,One kiss and I`ll be yours forever. The guy says thanks for the warning!

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First the engagement ring,then the wedding ring, then the suffering.

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Teacher:`I killed a person`convert this sentence into future tense. Student:The future tense is`You will go to jail`.

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Lovers r Outgoing Calls, Aunties r Tollfree Calls, Callgirls r Roaming Calls, Neighbour Girls r Missed Calls.

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A sardarji Doctor falls in Love with a Nurse.He writes a love letter to the Nurse:-I Love U sister....

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Before marriage: Roses are red,sky is blue, O my darling!I love you... After Marriage: Roses are dead, I have flu, don`t come near me,

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Wife:What is 10 years with me! Husband:A second. Wife:What is $1000 for me! Husband:A coin. Wife:ok give me a coin. Husband:Wait a second.

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Sardar proposed a girl...... Girl said am 1 yr elder to u....... Sardar said Oye no problem soniye I`ll marry u next year.

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Take the first step in FAITH you don`t have to see the whole staircase just take the first step.

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The hours turned to days, days to weeks, and weeks to months. Nothing has changed, I`m still in love and you`re still gone.

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Joke Quotes

what is bus?a vehicle that run`s slow when you are in it but runs faster when you are chasing it.

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teacher: four beautiful ladies r walking on the road. change it to exclamatory sentence... student: wow!

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Husband:u will never succeed in making that dog obey u.Wife:Nonsense it`s only a matter of patience, I had a lot of trouble with u at first

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Things in Boys room b4 marrge Perfumes, Luv lettrs, Gifts, F`shp bands, Cards, Snaps After marriage-Painkillers, Loan papers Unpaid bills...

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Teacher:How old is your dad? stud: As old as i am. Teacher: How is it possible?Stud:He became father only after i was born

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girls are like phones.we like to be held and talked too- but if u press the wrong button u`ll be disconnected!

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A line written on a Husband`s T shirt : ALL GIRLS ARE DEVIL BUT MY WIFE IS QUEEN.. . . . OF THEM..:-P

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SANTA went to court JUDGE: "Order ! Order !" SANTA: "1 Pizza, 2 Dosa, 3 Idli & 1 Cold-drink !" JUDGE: "Shut Up!" SANTA:"No,No..7-Up!

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After an accident, A v.angry driver: I showed u d headlights & told u 2 go by side. Santa: I also started d wipers &said No, no..No no. :D

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Doctor to sardar: You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die? Sardar :Yes. A good doctor.

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Pay My Regards To Ur Father Who Is Tolerating Such A Dumb Duffer Child, What A Stamina He Has Got.. I Salute Ur Father:p

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Graduation speech: I would like to thank, The Internet, Google,Wikipedia, Microsoft Office and The one who invented copy paste!

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I am not a clock that can sms u 24hrs a day, but my heart will be like a clock that will nonstop care,love n pray 4a special friend like u.

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Best and True msg ever read: You and Your feelings are important to your friends, till they are SINGLE..!!

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Understanding is deeper than love. There are many people who love us but very few who understand us.

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When life gives u a hundred reasons to cry.Show life that u have a thousand reasons to smile. Keep smiling always and make u and other happy

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If u wait for happy moments, u will wait forever. But if u start believing that u r happy, u will b happy forever. Thats life.

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Girls not remain without boys.. How?? Fe(male)-male Wo(man)-man S(he)-he So dont try to be alone.

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Doctors After Operation and Students After Exam Both tell the Same Answer . . . . . We Tried Our Best Can`t Say Anything Right Now!

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Friendship need No promises No demands and No expectations It just needs two people ONE COOL LIKE ME AND ONE SWEET LIKE YOU.

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The difference between TRUTH and LIE. TRUTH:Is a debit card Pay 1st and enjoy later. LIE:Is a credit card Enjoy 1st and pay later.

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Life is so unpredictable! one moment u think all your dreams r coming true & The very next second u find that u were actually dreaming.

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A Little Boy Asked His Father:Daddy,How Much Does It Cost To Get Married!`And The Father Replied:`I Don''t Know,Son,I''m Still Paying For it

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2 Wise Advices- 1.Never Laugh At Your Wife`s Choices. You Are One Of Them. 2.Never Be Proud Of Your Choices. Your Wife Is One Of Them.

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A Lady To A Beggar-Hey Boy!!I Have Certainly Seen you Some Where Beggar-Oh Madam,you Forgot Me!! . . . . We Are Friends On Facebook...

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God Created Millions Of Faces With Different Looks. But When He Reached China,He Was Tired. Then He Started. Copy,Paste,Copy,Paste....

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Can we do romance in the midnight today? I`m in a good mood Just a little bit of kissing and biting! Reply me soon,yours Loving Mosquito.

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Jokes Quotes

Wife:-I will die. Husband:- I will also die. Wife:-why will you die? Husband:- because I can`t bear that much happiness

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If u r stressed, you`ll get pimples.. if u cry,u`ll get wrinkles.. So, y don`t u smile &get dimples?

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Boy and girl of class 2 asked teacher:"can kids of our age have kids?"Teacher replied " NO Never" Boy said to girl :"see i told u not to worry

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The most "hungry + sad" moment When you''re sitting in the examination hall,feeling hungry & then the invigilator is served hot"tea with samsas"

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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

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Doctor:Madam, your husband needs rest and pease so here are some sleeping pills.Wife:Doc,when should I give them to him?Doctor:They are fOR YOU

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One million copies of a new book sold In just 2 days due to typing error of 1 alphabet in title."An idea.that can change ur wife"

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What`s the similarity between chewing gum & begum(wife)Both are sweet at the beginning and become tasteless, shapeless and chipku in the eND

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HUSBAND and WIFE are like 2 tyres of a vehicle If 1 punctures, the vehicle can`t move further M0ral: always Keep a SPARE TYRE..

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Son: Dad why doesn`t law permit us to have more than one wife? Dad:when you get married son, you`ll realize that law is on our side...

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Life is suffering. Once you learn to accept that life is suffering, life will cease to be suffering.

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What`s D Difference Between Mother`s & GF`s Tears? Classic Answer Mother`s Tears Effect Our HEART & GF`s Tears Effect Our POCKET.

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Do u know the meaning of WIFE? It means...Without Information Fighting Evry time!

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First Guy (proudly): "My wife`s an angel!" Second Guy: "You`re lucky, mine`s still alive." ..:D

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What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ? A -One Woman Brings U into this world crying.. & the other ensures U Continue to do so.

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 Last night was my fault, my wife asked, "what`s on the TV?" and ... I said, "dust!"

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A recently fired stock trader said .. "This is worse than divorce... I have lost everything and I still have my wife..."

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Husband: Today is sun day & I have to enjoy it. So i bought 3 movie tickets. Wife: Why three? Husband: 1 For U and 2 for ur parents.

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Wife: What is so interesting in me? Husband:I dont know the meaning of interesting!!!

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Message of the year:- Women live a better, longer & peaceful life..! Why? Very simple.. A woman does not have a wife..

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santa:i gave a moving performance in singing. banta:what do you mean by moving performance? santa: everyone moved out of theatre

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"now i always watch my wedding video in reverse and i love the end when she takes the ring off, goes out, jumps in the car and hea

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Joke Quotations

A cute boy asks a fallen rose:Don`t u get hurt wen u r plucked?Rose replied:No I forget my pain thinking that i am the reason for someone smile

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Confidence is key, Sometimes, you need to look like you are confident, even when you are not.

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It is said that if you close your eyes, you see the person you love the most. and when i do that, . . Slide Show begins.

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God has Deposited Love,Joy,Prosperity,Peace,Laughter &All Kinds of Blessings in Ur ATM Account Use without Limit.The PIN Code is PRAYER

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You know what COLLEGE means?? C=Come O=On L=Lets L=Love E=Each G=Girl E=Equally So every BOY goes to COLLEGE.

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Girlfriend is Hot Water, Lover is Mineral Water, Wife is Corporation Water, Relationship is Kaveri Water, But"FRIENDSHIP"is pure Rain Water!

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Some Time We Fail to Understand..the Feelings of very Close People in our Life.Because a Book held very Nearer to Eyes is very Difficult to read

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Position of a husband is just like a Split AC... No matter how loud he is outdoor, He is designed to remain silent indoor!

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That awkward moment when you are actually telling the truth but you laugh during it, and everybody thinks you are lying.

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Keep your attitude in your pocket otherwise I will show you what it means actually.

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Husband:can u be the moon of my life?Wife: A www Yes sweetheart..! . . Husband: Great! then... Stay 9,955,887.6 kms away from Me..!!

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Hard fact about youngsters, . . . They are always busy watching the desktop wallpaper.. whenever their parents enter their room`

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Today`s Relationships: You can touch each other, . but . . . . not each others phones..!!

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HUMBLE REQUEST.He has served us Beer when we were Sad&Happy.Now he needs our help.Please save ABC.Pls ADOPT atleast ONE Kingfisher Air hostess

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Lines by School boy.Love is when i walk to other side of classroom to sharp my pencil,Just to See her.N then realize that. Im holding a pen.

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If the path is beautiful, Ask where it leads to.. But if destination Is Beautiful Never mind about the path.. keep walking!!

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Fallen flowers cannot climb back, so do not think about the past, Love the present, live for the future with a beautiful & sweet smile.

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Sometimes When We Say: Im Okay..We want Someone To, Look Into My Eyes..Grab us in his arms..:( HUG Us Tight& Say :I Know You Are Not...!

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Aftr robbing d Bank, robber 2 clerk:Did u see me robbing?Clerk:Yes.Robber shot him dead asked next clerk:Did u?2nd clerk:No,But my wife saw u

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Jokes Quotes

From Mon to Sun, From Jan To Dec,From birth till my death, my feelings 4 u have never changed.For me, you`ve always been...a headach!

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MBBS Final Exam:-Question: Fill in the blanks.If a lady faints, we must 1st check her PU-S-Only few intelligent students wrote PULSE

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Banta falls in luv wit a nurse.. After much thinking, he finally writes a luv letter 2 her: "I LUV U SISTER"

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If i need "Brain Transplantation"I will prefer your brain...don`t think that you are a genius.... i need a brain which is never use before

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What is a difference between a Kiss,a Car and a Monkey? A kiss is so dear, a car is too dear and a monkey is U dear.

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Father: How did you fail the final exam? Son: Under water Aather:What do you mean?

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Q: Why dogs don`t marry? A: Bcoz they are already leading a dog`s life!

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A cute boyasks a fallen rose:Don`t u get hurt wen u r plucked?Rose replied:No I forget my pain thinking that i am the reason for someone smile

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Birdy birdy in the sky dropped a poopy in my eye, I don''t worry I don`t cry, I`m just happy that cows can`t fly!

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I have lots of jokes in my inbox,But I can`t send you all of them,It will take a lot of time,So I`m sending u just 1 joke"You are so beautiful"

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If u r stressed, you`ll get pimples.. if u cry mu`ll get wrinkles.. So, y don`t u smile & get dimples?

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Confidence is key, Sometimes, you need to look like you are confident, even when you are not.

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It is said that if you close your eyes, you see the person you love the most. and when i do that, . . Slide Show begins.

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God has DepositedLove,Joy,Prosperity,Peace,Laughter &All Kinds of Blessings in Ur ATM Account Use without Limit.The PIN Code is PRAYER

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Facebook Statuese

In life lone is neither planed nor
does it happens 4 a reason
but when the love is real
it becums ur plan 4 life
n reason 4 living...!

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Live 4 the person who dies 4 u,
Smile 4 the person who cares 4 u,
fight for the person who protects u,
n love the person who loves u more then u !!

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U'll always b mine 4 now n 4 ever.
U'll always b mine 4 ur my treasure.
U'll always b mine pls tell me its true.
pls b mine forever I'll always love u..!

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when a TOUCH could HEAL a wound
whenn EYES could SPEARK volumes
when SMILE can Confirm I M THERE
then why do we nees owords 2 say
"I LOVE YOU".

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Its not ur mistake if u can't read the eyes which cheats u.
But its really ur mistake if u can't read the eyes which loves u..

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Its nice feeling when sum1 u love loves u in return.
So when u know the 1 u love has special feeling 4 u,
never let them u coz its rare 2 find 2 hearts that beats as 1

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Whenn daylight turns 2 a darkend hue,
The lovely starts are hinting at u,
Ur hearts beats tells u something true
that someone somewhere is Missing U..!!

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I was asked about Newton's law and I said I don't know .
I was questioned on the current president of USA and
I am wasn't sure if its Bush or Barac.
But when I asked on who I love,
the only answer that I think of ,Is YOU!

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You are the twinkle of my eyes,
The smile on my lips,
The joy of my face,
Without You I am Incomplete ..

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Relationship doesn't get closer by meetings,
but it is sweetend by THOUGHTS.
I care for U in my own STRANGE ways.
Maybe U will never know,Maybe I will never Show..

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I ask God for a rose and he gave me flowers,
I ask God for water and he gave me an ocean,
I ask God for a angel and he gave me the best love ever..!

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Every time I miss U ,a star falls.
So if U ever look uo at the sky and stats are gone,
its because u make me miss U too much ..!

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3-2= one heart praying 4 U
1+1=two eyes looking for U
3+2= five sensesmissing U
4+3=seven dyas in a week I desire U
7+5=12 month asking God to bless U
have fun... most of them I used them and they worked hehe !!

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To be honest with you,
I don't have word to make you feel better,
but I do have the arms to give you a hug,
ears to listen to whatever you want to talk about
and i have a heart; a heart that's aching to see you smile again..

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Let the world stop turning,
let the sun spot burning,
let them tell me love's not worth going through,
If it all falls apart,
I will know deep in my heart,
The only dream that mattered had come true..In this life I was loves by U...

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Thoughtful Status

Love is like a CD track
That makes Our hearts together
Don't ever break that CD coz
That would my heart too

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Message : some text missing*
Sender : name missing*
Sent : date missing*
Missing you a lot that y
every thing is missing*

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Softly d leaves of memories wil fal,
I'll pick them up & gather them all,
Coz 2day, 2moro & til my life is trough
I'll cherish having sum1 like u!

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Memories treasured no1 can steal.
parting is heartache no1 can heal.
sum'll 4get u wen ur gone
but I wil remember u
no matter how long

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I am on mission :Mission to avoid u,
2 forget u,2 get rid of u,
2 not 2 talk to u or meet u,
in short
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE

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D smallest word is I,
the sweetest word is LOVE
and the dearest person in the world is U.
dats y I LOVE YOU. :)

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Dear O Dear ,ur r not near
but i can hear
don't get fear
Ur memories r here
liv wid cheer
no more tear
and ur mine forever!!

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Q:wat is love ?
*
*
*
*
A:Love is wen sum1 breaks ur heart & d most amazing thing
is that u still love them
with every broken piece!!

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My past says u meet me
My future says u will care 4 me
My present says u will understand me
But my heart says U will
Always Remember ME!!

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Red or White
short or tall
wrapped in silver
not wrapped at all
under covers
inside a box
shapes & sizes
Love come in lots.

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Ur precious love has
turned my life completely around
I feel like Iam walking but
my feet not seems to touch d ground

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Ur d angel who i cherish so dearly
in this heart of mine,
the 1 who makes my day brighter,
by making my whole world shine!!

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Whenever I miss U,
I wont look 4u in my dreams
or try 2 hear ur voice in ur msgs.
I'll jus put my right hand across
mychest n feel U!

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